Ode to Aesthetics.

New blog.

2008-12-23T15:43:00.000-08:00

I've moved locations. It's been great while it lasted.

http://monsta.tumblr.com
http://monsta.tumblr.com
http://monsta.tumblr.com

Thanks!

I want to tell you a story about..it's like a love story. Kinda hurts though.

2008-11-19T19:53:00.000-08:00

"Life is the process of finding love; every person will need to find four people in their life.

The first person is you; the second person is the one you love most, the third person is the one who love you most, and the fourth is the one you spend the rest of your life with.

First in life, you will meet with the one whom you love most, and learn how love feels. You will learn how love feels, so you can find the person who loves you the most. When you have experienced the feeling of loving others and being loved, you will then know what it is you need most. Then you will find the person who is most suitable for you, to be able to spend the rest of your life with.

Sadly, in real life, these three people are usually not the same person.

The one you love most doesn't love you. The one who loves you most is never the one you love most. And the one you spend your life with is never the one you love most or the one who loves you most. She is just the person who happens to be at the right place at the right time.

Which person are you in other people's life?

No person will purposely have a change of heart. At that point in time, when she loves you, she really loves you. But when she doesn't love you anymore,she really doesn't love you anymore. When she loves you, she can't pretend that he doesn't. Same goes, when she loves you no longer, there's no way she can pretend she loves you.

When a person doesn't love you and wants to leave you, you must ask yourself if you still love her. If it so happens that you don't love her anymore, do not keep her just to save your pride. If you still love her, you should wish her happiness and hope that she will be with the one she loves most, not stop her from it. If you stop her from finding true happiness with the one she loves, it shows you already don't love her, And if you don't love her, what rights do you have to blame her for a change of heart?

Love is not possessive. If you like the moon, you can't just take it down and put it in your room. But the moonlight still shines upon you. In other words, when you love a person, you can use another method of possessing the person. Let her become a permanent memory in you life. If you really love a person, you must love her for what she is. Love her for her good points, and the bad. You can't wish for her to become what you like her to be just because you love her.

When you really love a person, you cannot find a reason why you love her. You only know that no matter when and where, good mood or bad mood, you will wish to have this person be with you. Real love is when two people can go through the toughest problems without asking for promises or listing criterias. In a relationship, you have to put in effort and give in at times, not always be on the receiving end. Being away from each other is a type of test; if the relationship isn't strong, then you can only admit defeat. Real love will never become hate.

When two people are in love, they love to ask each other to swear, to make promises. Why do they ask each other to swear and promise? Because they don't trust each other, they don't trust their lover. These swears and promises are useless. Till the sky falls, till the ocean dries, my love for you will never change. We all know that the sky will never fall and that the ocean will never dry. And if it does happen, will we even be alive?"

This is the deep and dying breath, of this love that we've been working on.

2008-09-26T18:06:00.000-07:00

Love, wow that's pretty deep. Uh hmm i know there isn't an exact science to it. Love isn't the same between every two people - it can't be. That's what i tell people who tell me to give up on this. Sure people fall in love but there's no time limit to it. Sometimes it takes some guys and girls longer to fall than others..and the wait may seem unbearable or confusing at times but it all just tests a person's self-tolerance to go through it all. Love is patient love is kind. it's humbling, knows no age & brings people to a degree of selflessness and openness to one another that it only proves how unconditional love is. I think it can be as immature or naive as a fairytale or as matured as going through hell to find it. In a realist perspective, if God is love and God works in mysterious ways then so can love.

Moment of ventilation.

2008-05-12T17:38:00.000-07:00

So these memories have resurfaced about you and your past love
And these thoughts left me with a rude awakening like a sign from above
With these thoughts, come insecurities of how you left me neglected
Pathetic, is how I feel, with thoughts of your past being erected.
But how am I supposed to feel while my mind is infected?
You blame me for being mad and tell me just to forget it ?
You say your words meant nothing and I have no cause for concern?
But it’s obvious that it’s for your past love that you yearn.
And this leaves me in a bad spot, because I never learn.
I get hurt and hurt again, this shits starting to burn.
Put yourself in my shoes and tell me this shit isn’t wrong.
Put yourself in my shoes and YOU try to stay strong.
Cause I’ve been working at this shit for so GOD DAMN LONG.
And I’m contemplating whether or not in each other’s arms we belong.
So what do I do? You tell me. Cause I haven’t a clue.
Do I leave? Do I stay? Should I just get over you?
Do you wanna go back to that relationship based on lies?
Do you wanna run back to the person that you truly despise?
Do you wanna run back to me every night while you cry?
Cause I won’t have it. Not this time. So rethink your decision.
Your words, they turn to knives. Causing a deeper incision.
Stabbing at my heart and soul, with the utmost precision.
And I’m hoping that your words don’t reflect your position.
And I’m hoping the thought of me and you, is what you’re all about.
Cause if this is a lie we’re living, with the quickness I’ll be out.
And I’m still working on getting past your past inebriations.
Your drunken actions that inevitably led to my insecurities creation.
And lately the only words we share are words of confrontation.
We can’t even seem to have a fucking civil conversation
Ever since you came back, and started your infiltration
Of my mind, heart and soul. Taking me as a whole.
Hope you weren’t acting from the start, only playing a role.
Cause slowly and slowly, your second thoughts will surely take it’s toll.
Cause these thoughts, are the same thoughts that I’ve had from the start.
The same thoughts that always seemed to drive us apart.
The same thoughts that made me question, “ do you miss him at all?”
To the point where it wasn’t IF, but WHEN you would fall?
Back into his arms where you’ve been one too many times before.
And your poem was from the heart, making it hard to ignore.
Talking about maybe in the long run your past love will resurface
Making it seem that everything we share now is just worthless.
Seemingly making it seem, that May eighth two thousand eight
Already has a time limit, it’s own expiration date.
So fuck it don’t take this personally, I just had to ventilate
Cause I’m not the type of guy to just sit around and wait
So in the words of you my love, let’s just leave it up to fate.

Change.

2008-03-20T10:08:00.001-07:00

" Things do not change ; we change. "
-Thoreau

How do you walk away from something that took so long to build ? Something that took so much time, effort, patience and constraint? It's never easy, but then again , what is ? And although it takes strength to try and stick with something that just isn't working anymore, it takes even more strength to be the one to just throw in the towel. You can't dwell on thoughts of the past, nor can you think about all you had gone through with that person. It makes things harder. The situation gets tougher. And in the end, nothing will get solved. All you can really do is say you tried, and that something went awry somewhere along the winding road. Only time can tell what will happen in the future, and all we can do is hope, wish and anticipate that the future will bring something brighter. Or maybe time is all that's needed to reignite that flame that once burnt brightly between those two people.

Only time can tell.

2008-03-19T10:23:00.001-07:00

There's nothing that destroys a perfectly healthy relationship more often than jealousy.

We all go through it, we all hate it, and i'm sure it's ruined quite a few of our relationships. It's human nature to be jealous, and at times it's even healthy. But more often than not..it causes useless and pointless arguments. For example, she's out with a bunch of her friends and when you ask for the names, you find out she's with a few guys and you instantly become bothered. You bring up questions like " Oh, why don't you go get with them then " or you try to act like it doesn't bother you at all, and pull the " Oh okay, i'll ttyl then. ". It's a really bad individual quality, but those who go through it understand how hard it is to overcome. Jealousy is like a disease and from experience, i know it's almost impossible to cure.

I guess there's different causes for a persons jealousy, but for most, it's a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. You constantly think about how much better your partner can get, and if someone better comes along will he/she go for them? Stupid questions like that only cause more anxiety and more stress on your part. Another downfall of jealousy is that you spend countless moments of your day imagining scenarios of what COULD happen, when you really you should be worrying about what IS happening. It's even possible to be jealous about your partners past. Maybe you found out she's been with alot of other guys, and all of a sudden you feel small and inadequate. Maybe you feel as if you'll never measure up or be on her level, and that she was happier back then rather than now with you.

A jealous person never knows when to stop.

I really don't know where i'm going with this blog, but i do know i'm a victim of jealousy, and it's slowly but surely pushing the person i care most about away from me.

" And no one wants to share their chick with the last guy, to get rid of the bad vibes you figured you'd ask why ; her past love is still chillin in the picture frame. Which is lame, but for some dumb reason.. the last guy seeps into your brain and you become unseasoned. Then one evening you build up the heart to ask her ; disaster, and now your lungs breathin hard as asthma. And after she breaks down and tells you the truth, it leads to another fight and now she's yelling at you.. "

2008-03-18T21:50:00.000-07:00

Most people have been through a relationship, especially at this age. And through experience i've come to realize that alot of them follow the same format, if not similar.

Sooooo..basically it goes as follows..

The guy meets the girl either through a friend or maybe even myspace, and they hit it off. Late night conversations , texts during class and IM'ing each other every waking hour. The beginning is always the best and most people make the common mistake of thinking this "chemistry" will last throughout the remainder of the relationship. People with that mindset, get their hopes up and end up failing.

So let's say the couple lasts. Alot of the time, the balance of power in the relationship is shifted towards the guy, whether it be the male ego or something else. But yeah, in the beginning of the relationship the girl tends to be "whipped". But as the relationship goes on, and they get closer and closer and even more intimate, the balance of power in the relationship goes to about even. The normal mind games that the guy would play doesn't work as much, and usually the relationship gets on rocky territory. Usually after that first rough patch, the girl starts to gain more power as the guy starts to get a little more emotional and jealous. The littlest thing gets the guy jealous and the girl realizes that, and often uses it to her advantage whether it be intentionally or unintenionally.

So in the beginning of the relationship, the guy has the power and towards the end the girl has the power. Tell me that's not true. In almost EVERY relationship i've been, that's been the case. It might just be me, but i doubt it. I've watched friends go through similar predicaments. I think it's because girls are more in touch with their emotional side, so towards the beggining they tend to be emotionally attached while the guy is still developing his feelings. But once one person has too much power over the other, the relationship fails. 9 out of 10 times one of the people in the relationship get bored, or they find someone who's more exciting.

I don't know why i wrote this. I had nothing to do after school, and i was following up and thinking about a class discussion in class. I was rambling half the time so forgive me if it doesn't make sense or it's completely false.

Get @ me if you want a debate. Hahah. I'll probably add a bit more later.

" I put on the weight, you put on the breaks. And now we both sit around with that look on our face. I wonder who you seein, and you wonder who i'm seein, but we too afraid to ask cause we both got our demons. The reason we should try and keep this thing together, cause we stood by each other through all types of weather. "